walking
a long time ago
when I thought such things mattered
I made my way East from St. Paul
toward New York
stopping at every city in between
it seemed important to stretch
to leave the homeland behind
but when I finally made it to the East coast
they only let me stay for a few weeks
then they pushed me back toward the Midwest
as soon as I was deposited back onto my doorstep
they too began to push
"what's the matter?
we're not good enough for you?
we saw you sneaking off to New York City..."
and the next thing I knew
I was in another van
on another highway
headed toward the sunset
St. Louis, Denver, Santa Fe, Las Vegas
San Bernardino, Barstow
Los Angeles?
I tried to stay in the peaceful mountains
with the trees and birds and waterfalls
but they pushed me to the canals
and another self-conscious freak show
that didn't want me
so I felt myself being pushed again
they kept pushing me away
until they couldn't push me any further
and rather than put me in a boat
headed for China or Greece
they left me here
at the far Western edge
left me here to disappear
into this harbor town
but what they didn't know
is that they left me
in the best place I've ever been
and within a week
I found myself gaining strength
and rather than disappearing
I became stronger
and more defined
and now that I am ready to push back
any move I make toward them
feels like a red hot knife
slipped in
between two small ribs
so I remain here
quiet
still
waiting
in the best place
an exile
could ever land
— mjp
Perhaps the truth depends on
a walk around the lake.
~ Wallace Stevens
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